


Yokai Grass

by Zumie



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Comedy, Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:21:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22251763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zumie/pseuds/Zumie
Summary: Reimu is feeling grumpy, and so, Marisa decides they should go do some shopping...
Kudos: 2





	Yokai Grass

Reimu sat enjoying the cherry blossoms and sipping her tea but quickly sighed as she glanced over her temple. Althought it was nice and peaceful there were little if any attendants there, as always. In fact the only person who constantly came was Marisa, who she wasn't exactly sure of, but she thought she could be stealing things from her. None the less, at least she wasn't a yokai so she was a welcome change from a lot of the others who normally show up here.

“Shouldn't be too long now..” she said to herself sipping her tea once again, “Gah! I'm sick of this peaceful lifestyle! Why can't I have some parishioners like those damn evangelists!! Pfft. Christians. Always horning in on my racket!” she said, kicking the tea cup over.

“What's the problem Zee??” Marisa asked, as she poked her head out from inside the temple curiously.

“GAH!” Reimu screamed and flopped back, “W-where the hell did you come from?! I didn't even see you!”

“I snuck in real quick while you were busy sweeping earlier- I had to go the the bathroom real bad..” she said looking about embarrassed.

“You know, there is such a thing as coming up and asking me first before you- ah, what does it matter..” she said waving her hand to Marisa. “None of this matters, everything is pointless, pointless!”

“Uhhh..” Marisa said looking down at the crest fallen Reimu, “Are you okay zee??”

“No I am not!! My life is a shame! All I do is, party with yokai and not get any donations! Why am I here again! Remind me why am I here Marisa!” She said trying to get up angrily.

“To exterminate yokai?” She asked, grinning cautiously.

“Yes! Exterminate yokai, so why are there so many of them around here all the time!! They're like, like kids! All I see is yokai everywhere!! People are starting to think I'm mormon!!” Reimu yelled.

“Well I'm not a mormon damnit!! I'm.. what am I again? I am an apple!”

“Are you drunk??” Marisa asked cocking her eyebrow, “you're acting a lot more goofier than you normally are..” Marisa turned and gathered up the tea cup placing it back on the tray before looking at her, “Maybe you're just over thinking this, you never got this upset before I think, you should just calm down, and relax.. maybe some sake would help!”

“I don't want sake!” Reimu said, pouting. “I want some human customers!”

“OH! You know who's human?? Rinnosuke! We can go to his shop and see if he has something to take you out of this horrible mood you're in zee!”

Reimu grumbled, not looking at Marisa one bit until she turned over glaring at her, “Fine! I guess.. Maybe he would have something interesting..”

Rinnosuke wasn't getting much business today, though it wasn't too unusual, it's not like it was a rainy day, or even cloudy. In fact it was quite nice out, so where the hell was everyone? He sighed, laying back as looked over the shop filled with all kinds of gadgets and what not discarded from the world and shook his head. “I guess people are having too much fun out today to be bothered coming here, maybe I should just close up for the day..” he said, getting up and stretching as he walked over to the door.

Only for him, unfortunately to almost be ran over seconds later by Marisa and Reimu.

“Come on, turn that frown upside down!” Marisa said as she squished Rinnosuke to the side of the wall.

“Stop talking like that! You're making me feel sick!” Reimu said, looking about. “Hm... Where is that four eyed fool anyway? Probably jerking off in the men's room.”

“Hehehehehehe, AHAHAHAHAA!” Marisa laughed loudly, “Oh man, th-that is good, he'd so do that.. Hm, kinda weird he's not out though usually he's at his desk sleeping-”

“I'm ere..” Rinnosuke said rubbing his nose as he stepped out from behind the door, “That was my fault, I was going to close for the day and you came barging in..like..” he paused to think, “like a bunch of, old hens or something?”

Marisa smirked but Reimu didn't pay no mind still looking highly irritated. She glanced about the shop but couldn't see anything yet that would catch her eye to make her feel better.

“Reimu is kinda feeling down, do you have anything you can give her to cheer her up..?”

“Feeling down?” he said rubbing his head, “Why? No customers?”

Reimu made a laughing noise, kind of like a 'huhuhuhhu', but agreed nodding her head, “None, zero! Zero!! You know why??” she asked turning to Rinnosuke accusingly.

“I have no idea, maybe it's because it's so nice today? I haven't had any customers either..” he shrugged as Reimu backed away.

“Oh, well.” Reimu considered this, “I guess so, but they wouldn't come anyway! Because of that other shrine you know! And those fucking evangelists!!! Stealing my followers!!”

Rinnosuke and Marisa started looking at each other in uneasy quiet until Rinnosuke finally said, “What the hell are you talking about...?”

“The frog people!! The frog shrine, you know, frog woman, and frog shrine woman!! Stealing alllllll my followers! Well I won't forget that!” She hmphed and turned away. Marisa looked at Rinnosuke and twirled her finger around her head and Rinnosuke nodded.

“Well! I might have something for you!” Rinnosuke said, moving up behind his counter, “It's something new that just came in this week.. AHH!” He moved and pulled out a long box, “It's for aches, and pains, and helps you relax..! It's called a 'wand massager..'” He moved pulling out a massive wand handing it to Reimu as she eyed it.

“What the..? What am I suppose to do with this thing, shove it up my ass?!” she said, looking at it up and down as she twisted the base, the vibration kicking in almost so quickly she nearly dropped it to the ground. “GAH! This thing has a mind of it's own!”

“Yes, well, I sold one to Ran the other day, the fox woman, and she was so happy she came back and bought two more! I don't know why.. she said she was trying to 'experiment' or something like that. I got a whole bunch of them here, I managed to get them to work off of magic now so they never go off..”

“These are hilarious!” Marisa said, “I will take two of these right now! Maybe I can try to race them or something!” she said, looking at them carefully.

“Uh, they're.. they're not alive you know Marisa-”

“I know! I said race them, not raise them-zee!” she nodded and grabbed the two boxes looking at them possessively. “What do you think Reimu?”

“Eeehhhhhh...” she turned at it staring and used it on her back, “I don't know, I guess so.. got anything else?”

Rinnosuke paused, and considered, “You know what, I might actually have something.. it's not really an object though.. In fact, I was saving it for you Marisa since you're so into plants!” He turned around taking out a large clear paper bag filled with what appeared to be some kind of fungus at first. “Someone brought this in, it appeared in a field and they just took it back here to find out what it was, I never saw anything like it..”

“Well, let me see Zee!” Marisa said, taking the bag and opening it as she sniffed it, “OOOGAH! What the hell? These things wreak! It smells like someone ran over a skunk!” she said dry heaving lightly, “Gah!”

Reimu turned and looked at the back taking out one of them and sniffing it, “Yeah, these things are awful.. what do you do? Eat them or something?”

“Well, actually I didn't know if they were useful, but as it turned out the Yukari came in and got... very excited.. she bought some of them and said they were great for smoking. She said I should try it actually and it would 'make me see the world in a whole different light.'”

“Hmph!” Reimu said, looking at it, “How can someone smoke something that smells so fucking bad.. can't trust a yokai for nothing! I guess it figures she'd smoke it.. but maybe...” she turned and looked at Marisa who was currently trying to get off the floor, “I guess if she did try it, I should give it a try too, for research purposes.. could be some kind of powerful item or something.”

Marisa nodded and stood up, “Give us, like, half a bag or something..”

It didn't take long for Reimu and Marisa to get back to the shrine, but it seemed as empty then when they left as it was when they returned. Reimu growled under her breath and sighed, putting away her tea set before taking out her pipe. “We're suppose to grind this first or something.. that's what Rinnosuke said.. but I'll be honest, I don't think this is such a great idea..” Reimu said. “In fact, Yukari might be trying to trick us...”

“Well, that wouldn't be the first time, Zee- we should ask her the next time we see her, see what she says..” Marisa held her nose as she started to grind up the plant itself eyeballing it carefully. “Gah! It gets worse when you grind it..! Let's just try this and put the rest away as soon as we can..”

Reimu turned and places the plant bits in her pipe before lighting it, inhaling and exhaling, a stream of thick white smoke poured out from her mouth as she handed it to Marisa.

“Well ze??” she asked, “Do you feel anything...?”

“I don't feel anything... yet..” Reimu said, furrowing her brows, “I don't feel different at all! Damnit!” she grumbled under her breath and sighed, “Maybe I'm doing it wrong, you try..”

This time, Marisa took a big inhale and exhaled, coughing a bit while moving the burning smoke from her face, “Gaahh!” She said, quickly sneezing afterwards. “Hrrm, Maybe we need to smoke more of it..?”

Reimu nodded.

10 minutes later.......

“You know...” Reimu began, “They call them yokais, but do they ever yo or kai? I never seen one of them yo before, or kai!”

“GAHH!AHAHAHA!” Marisa laughed loudly, “Y-you, you should write that down zee! You could be an author!! You'd make millions..!!” she turned and flopped over on her back.

“Hey, hey- I have another idea!” Reimu turned about poking Marisa, “What?? What?!”

“I have some salmon I was saving tomorrow! We should go and like, light it up right now!!” Reimu said grinning.

“It's like, what time is it anyway zee?? Wait! Time, time- time is just like... a figment!! We should!! We could eat it now, and then, like remember we ate it when the time comes tomorrow Zee!! Then we'd be filled with it in our stomachs at the same time we're suppose to eat it! GENIUS!””

“That, is so.... COOOL!!” Reimu nodded grabbing Marisa and pulling her up next to her before heading to the kitchen, “This way! Before those bastard yokais beat us! They'll beat us and eat our salmon!!”

The two ran frantically towards the temple, almost tripping over each other before actually making it to the kitchen. At first, they were going to cook it, but they were getting too hungry and decided just to eat it half away all up, falling asleep on the hard wood floor.

8 hours later...

Reimu moaned holding her stomach on the floor of the kitchen and tried to get her barrings, “Marisa, are you there?” she asked, crawling around on the floor. No answer, but it didn't matter, all that mattered was she get off the floor as soon as possible and find some kind of opening.

“AH...” Marisa got up moaning, almost falling on Reimu, appearently, she somehow got on top of the table last night and ended up sleeping there for hours..

“Are you okay zee?” Marisa asked, looking at Reimu now on the floor crawling away.

“No, my stomach feels like it's going to burst...” she said, making her way to the bathroom..

“My eyes.. AH!” Marisa said holding her head, “They feel like they're on fire! What the hell did we do last night??” She asked, as Reimu crawled over from the floor.

“That damn plant! It made us crazy! Yukari, did trick us!” She said, managing to finally make it to the bathroom before closing the door behind her.


End file.
